To a special friend... DG

This one is dedicated to a special soul, a special being that has touched my life in countless ways. A person who has been a shoulder to cry on when I felt extreme loneliness in a foreign country, when I felt darkness - you have been my candle of light.

These words I cannot express to you directly - for my lack of courage to face what I am about to do to you. You have been nothing but a dear friend. Someone who genuinely cared, someone who genuinely mattered, someone who is genuinely pure.

You are so special, in so many ways you do not realize. When I have a son, I want him to grow up just like you. A true gentleman, a gem, a gift.

Forgive me for I do not have the strength and courage to fight for you. Forgive me for I have failed our friendship. Forgive me for I have forsake what we both believed in.

You will always be dear to me. And I know our journey of friendship only starts now....

Be strong, have heart and tenacity to face anything that comes to you. For you are blessed, guarded by angles....

An ode to a dear friend..
"AFOOT and light-hearted I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
For this is the moment of discovery..."

May you discover much more on your next path. May you find strength, wisdom and guidance.

Thank you my dear friend. I wish you well. I wish all the happiness and goodness to happen to you...

Another year has passed..

Despite all the joy, heartache, sadness and anxieties, I’ve managed to survive 2007. It was an eventful year that has thought me many valuable lessons in life:

Chance
When I was growing up as a Christian, a significant teaching I most vividly remember was “Confess your sins and God shall forgive you”. As a child, I interpreted it as: admit your mistakes and you would be given a chance.
But like most children, you forget your mistakes and keep forging new ones right into adulthood. And in adulthood, mistakes that you make become so severely self-forgiven that you self rationalize each time you make one.
As I aptly remember a famous quote by Shaw, quoting:
“Youth,
Forgives itself nothing, is forgiven everything
Age,
Forgives itself everything is forgiven nothing.”

Many of us tend to forget that we are not young anymore. We are now most accountable for mistakes and wrong doings we have done. And no matter how small or significant they are, we are answerable. We have the responsibility to own up to it, face it and move on.
Also in times like this, we most naturally turn to God. Sometimes we make vows and promises in hope that mistakes can be erased. But as time passes and heals our wounds, we also forget to fulfill our promises to God.

In 2007, I’ve been given several important “chances” that I must make right. During this course of time, I’ve learnt that I can either take these chances for granted or I can truly appreciate them and show gratitude by making the best of it.
I have chosen both options to carry forward to 2008.

Faith
What art thou?
Is it blind?
Is it pure?
Is it omnipresent?
Or is it character?

It’s all the above and more. While it is right to place our faith in God, what about faith in ourselves?
Faith in our own character, our own strength and our own perseverance – how often do we practice these?

Most of the time, I fail to see what I can be. I see what others see me. I don’t see what I can potentially be. I loose sight of me. I loose faith in me.

And so the hardest part is to pick up and internalize strength towards what you can achieve and create. Most often when you’re being pushed down so much, you forget how to stand up again. But the greatest achievement in life is to rise up from failure.
And the only push you can get to standing up is having faith – in yourself.
Wholly, truly, completely.

As I welcome 2008 with apprehension, my heart is also filled with hope and light.
I believe and foresee renewals of hope and dreams.
2008 – I take you on!

Triumph over Evil!

Truly, I am fascinated by Ms. Rowling's vast, deep and wonderful imagination. The characters
she created with Harry Porter is truly remarkable &  gripping!

I guess in life you will meet and encounter the likes of Harry Porter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
Harry being the accidental hero, the boy who endured pain beyond imagination but still has the purity and goodness in him to do nothing but righteousness. 
Ron as most of us can also relate to, is most of the time meek and scared to face difficulties, yet to discover his true heroism but stumbles 
along the way with bravery to seek his true self. 
Hermoine not only uses her intellect but also her heart to think, living 
with the mantra of "impossible is nothing".

Through the series of her books, Rowling weaves her characters amicably into the storyline. You see them grow up, you see them fight 
internal struggles, you see them fight against all odds and importantly you see 
them triumph! Like most predictable heroic-storyline, the good always prevail over evil. While the concept is not new, I believe it is equally important to reinforce
in this day and age.

Everyday we hear more bad news than
good. Evil minds and hearts are more rampant than ever. Good, righteousness 
seem to fade behind evil. The bigger and stronger powers are bullying the 
smaller, meeker - leaving them defendless and easily over-powered.
It seems less and less people are interest to 
stand up and fight for what is right. 
Most of us are more confortable to hide behind our walls of safety -
playing the spectatorrather than taking the active role of changing one's fate.

Through it all, there are those brave enough to stand up to change fates. 
Some through littles gestures, some through years of preseverance, some through
outright battles:



1. Rosa Parks became the first African American to refuse to give up her seat to a white passenger in a bus. Her small action sparked national controversy but importantly demonstrated how a single refusal of giving in can change the course of history.



2. Mahatma Ghandi was the major political and spiritual leader of India that led the country to its Independence against British Rule. He resisted tyranny through mass civil disobedience, firmly founded upon ahimsa or total non-violence — which was one of the strongest driving philosophies of the Indian independence movement and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. 1 man with a simple act of non violence changed India's fate forever.



3. Malcolm X, a man that has been called many things: Pan-Africanist, father of Black Power, religious fanatic, closet conservative, incipient socialist, and a menace to society. Less of a hero
behind shadows of the great Martin Luther King, Malcolm X - self educated himself in prison,
chose to change his fate from a street hustler to an awakened political and spiritual activist.
Though his speeches and actions were considered controversial to many, he chose a far more
outward approach in speaking his mind and fighting his course.



4. And finally, the greatly revered His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama - Tenzin Gyatzo. A spiritual leader forced into exile by the new superpower of the world China who claimed 
Tibet to be a territory of China. 
His Holiness together with his closest aids fleed to India and resided there ever since. 
Living to true Buddhist teachings, His Holiness not for once approved of fighthings
and bloodshed against the Chinese. Instead, he has only preached love, 
happiness and harmony. He taught his fellow Tibetans to persevere and show utomost compassion to the Chinese in Tibet regardless what they 
have done to them. (I mean, this guy is seriously amazing!!!) 

There can never be triumph for the bad guys. Only good can prevail. And though it may take years, it is worth to believe in good and stick by it.
But till then, it is worth every single drop of blood to fight (passively, actively, indirectly) for what is right. Triumph then will be wholesome, complete and true.

Thank you Ms Rowlings for teaching these simple theories which are slowly being forgetten these days...
 

The right to defend myself..

2 years ago, I had an interesting "encounter" with someone dear to me. I was betrayed, very badly. At that point of time my world crumbled, I'd never imagined that person would ever harm me so badly.
The single most important bond of trust was broken - forever. The one thing I still thought I had with my family would change forever. I was very well aware that that moment would change all our lives forever and it was inevitable, un-reversable.

Back ten, I was very angry. I was very hurt. I spent endless nights thinking what went wrong and how could 
something like this happen. Though the person blamed everything on me, I ensured I'd reflected on what
she said to examine if it was true. It all seemd so twisted but at the end of the day, my fault of not, I had to pick up and rebuild my world, my family's (or what's left of it) world.

Fresh after the incident, I went to Denmark with my husband. He urged me to meet his
clairvoyant - Marriane. He said she had an urgent message to pass to me and I desperately needed healing. Now, I was shit worried that I would get into some gibbery, table banging, madly possessed women situation - but it was the total opposite! It was such a normal
"sighted" experience, everything was calm and soothing, she spoke normally and didnt shake or flipped her eyes upwards like what you would see on TV. 
Bizzarely speaking, I enjoyed the session so much. Importantly, I received an 
amazing experience that reduced me to tears! (literally sob like a baby!)

She connected me to my dad. Yup, my dad passed away so he's dead. And no, he didn't appear
out of thin air but he spoke to me through Marriane. She told me "your dad is here and he wants
to talk to you"...The moment she said that, I felt so much warmth and love in the room, as if
I went back to my childhood - the feeling having my dad by my bedside while he told us bedtime stories...I cant describe it I swear!  
I was so overwhelmed with emotions I cried and cried. (Imagine finally not having a conversation with your dad after 18 years!) Honestly at that moment I was still
skeptical so I asked questions no one else in this world except me and my dad - he knew the answers! (Freaky feelings started draining out of me, overcomed by awe and pure happiness)
He told me he was sorry. He was sorry for leaving us so early, he was sorry he couldn't give me the life he promised and importantly, he was sorry for what my sister has done to me...
The last apology meant so much to me I broke down even harder.

For the longest time I thought my dad had only 1 favourite daughter. She was the one  he confided in the most, he was the one that had the most, she was the one he saw as his real daughther. And to hear him say that he was truly angry at what she has done to me -
it finally changed the ways I saw things...

As I said earlier, I had blamed myself for causing this to my family. I had blamed myself for
aggravating my sister to act the way she did. But that day, when my father finally said all those
things, for once in my life - I felt I truly belonged to my family. I was never invisible.

The point I am trying to make here is, I can never change what has happened. But I am proud of the fact that I tried to reflect if I had caused all this. Surely I did in some ways, but I am dealing with the consequences, I am willing to move on.

I hope she too can... one day

Again, I have learnt that nothing in life is permanent. God gives and God takes back. Just remember to face it - no matter how hard it is. There can never be equal scores in life and there is no point to keep count - be the bigger person and ultimately the happier person

 

To be truly thankful...

A couple of years ago, I'd earned much lesser than what i earn now. Back then, I would still manage a mini shopping spree to reward myself once a month and holidays abroad. I was quite debt free and had more than enough for myself.

Fast forward to present day-  my debts are enourmous, I shop only during sale, I go for more expensive trips and inevitably, I have so much 
lesser to spend.

But money aside, we never know what and when is enough. We never know when to say
"It's ok, I'm quite happy with what I have"...most of the time, we look at others and envy their fortunes and good luck. As the famous Chinese saying goes "Yat kar ng che yat kar sze" - literally translated as one never knows what happens in another family.
It's so easy to want to be someone else, it's so easy to blame your current situation, it's so easy
not to see what you've got is so good compared to others.

Being so human, we always fall into the trap of wanting more. Though it is all fine to have a vision and not settle for status quo, 
I believe most of the time, we must also learn to be thankful for what we have. 
I would always imagine a situation if I was God (not trying to play God, excuse the pun!)
- I create beautiful things for all my children, I give them what I think it's best for them, I create
a world for them otherwise they will never have. But each and everyday, I hear them
complain and whine about all the things I had given them.
I think I would be quite pissed off if I was God. But as God is all omnipresent and overly-nice (maybe he's getting mean and pissed off these days with all the epidemics and catastrophes happening!) we are seldom punished for being utterly ungrateful.

There are times where He knocks you on your head and pushes you hard onto the ground.
There are times He raise you up and keeps you up high in the air
There are times where He smiles and laughs with you
There are times He nudges you to push on.

If only during all those times (if not every other day) we can remember to say "Thank you"...

Many Islands of Thailand

Thankfully, Peter works in the travel industry which allows us to travel to alot of places for free - most of the time, we are talking about excellent hotels and resorts.

Since Peter is still in Bangkok, my visits to him can be utterly boring if we would stay in the city forever. Pete would always arrange for a nice trip out of Bangkok secretly and surprise me later!
Bangkok's amazing geographical location allows the city folks to unwind at nearby islands and resorts - most of them only 2-3 hours away by bus! 

Here are two amazing locations:
1. Koh Samet: (my pick!)
- Nice local island which is still quite "virgin" to the rape of foreigners. Though many resorts are already built, you see more locals (Bangkok folks out there for a weekend break) than anyone else. Also, they still have beach bars all along the coast where you can chill listening to the sounds 
of the waves or just gazing at the moonlight! Also the island itself is has a forest reserve which
you can track around easily

Pete & I chilling by the beach at night!




2. Hua Hin:
It's funny how Scandinavian the town feels. I'd almost thought I was in DK with so many Danes, Swedes and Norwegians there. Again, Hua Hin is just a couple of hours away from Bangkok. Very much more developed compared to Koh Samet - as the government is really pushing for this destination to attract foreigners to buy homes, build their dream homes, etc. Honestly, it feels sort of like Phuket - minus the cheesy go-go bar girls or katois. The beach sucks - i mean seriously sucks! (close to PD standards if not worst) The plus point is there's so much to see, do around Hua Hin town that helps to distract the need to chill by the beach.
Anantara Resort is a must check out! Hilton Hua Hin is alright..


"Seriously, Asians shouldn't try to make Danish Pastries!!"

That building is where we stayed - mini villas, awesome!!
 
Bridges with little gazebos, lovely!

Guide to a funfilled wedding

Happy endings to weddings always starts with a painful beginning, trust me it's all 
worth it! 

1. Choosing the Man:Make sure he doesnt get cold feet, make sure he is useful, make sure he knows 
how to 
calm you down when you're freaking out about every single thing about your wedding. 


Man - my wife is freaking me out! She broke down crying when I told her Im loosing
more hair!


2. Choosing the Location:  Depending on your family and the 5 million other people
you need to satisfy - but putting that all aside, when you finally do find the place make sure the sales rep of the location/hotel/etc is reliable - better if she/he is a push over so you can negotiate for more freebies! Run constant checks on them to 
see if things are working out fine and if arrangements are made according to 
WHAT YOU WANT and not WHAT THEY CAN DO. Malaysians are exceptional 
to say "no can do" for everything before they even try! 
We chose a beach wedding - so be practical with your clothings! I blew my RM300 shoes on the sand and now i can't wear it ever again!  


Breathtaking!

3. Deciding who to invite: If you're bold enough not to be disowned by your
parents, avoid relatives and 5000 noisy children you don't even know from your wedding. Sweet talk your mum (easiest target),  promise a compensation-family-dinner after.
I opted for a very small wedding (according to Asian standards!) and we both invited
our closest dearest friends, not to mention people who knew how to have loads of fun!  


sober..

drunk

almost unconsious...

4. Avoid getting your husband's drinking pal as MC for your wedding:  
trust me, mine turned out to be quite a disaster! jokes you make when you're out
having a drink on the brink of getting drunk CANNOT BE ABSOLUTELY recycled
for weddings! Dirty jokes aside, lame comments and crude words can be fun at a birthday party but not at a wedding! 
Geez, I would have killed him if I was drunk enough! 


seriously, i looked like i was having fun with this MC, but look closer, i had a knife up my
skirt - - - owwwwww i can kill him

5. Have your husband surprise you: Now, laundrying your love story
(how you met,how you fell in love) is usually quite 'shy' for most Asians. But having
a totally sweet, romantic Gwai Lo husband like mine speaking his heart out about
his love to me and dedicating a 5 min speech to me I swear reduces any girl to
tears (not to mention spoiling your make up, but who cares!)


God, you created a fine man!! What piece of art!

6. And finally have fun with your guests!: As most Asians weddings will
have it, whenyou attend as a guest - usually you give your ang pow, sit down and eat
and bugger off. Peter and I decided to have fun with them and make them be a part
of the wedding. We played a simple game that got all the guest up on their seats
laughing, cursing and importantly having fun! And of course, if you're too broke
after all the wedding expenses and can't afford to pay for entertainment - get your
guest to entertain you!

doing the YMCA -  i must say it was most amusing to see Alex dance!

What a way to start of a great life with my husband!
A night to remember - 4th November 2006..





 

A stroll down memory lane..

Most of the time, when we have reflections of our past, we tend to lean towards the negative experiences we’ve gone through. Maybe its due to our programmed mind or our current status where things may not look as good as you’ve always imagined when you were much younger.

I was looking through some of the boxes I’ve stored away in the storeroom. I stumbled upon a stack of my certificates from school and college. Woo..what a ride it was down that memory lane!

I looked through my school’s certs – there is a huge stack of it, all my achievements in school as a prefect, Art Editor for my school magazine, English Literature club Secretary, House Captain & Treasurer, Squash Club captain, Netball representative, etc. Then there were my exam results – straight As for my PMR, 10 aggregate for my SPM.
It all seemed so long ago as I keep reminding myself that it has been exactly 10 years since I’ve left school this year.

My school years were the most uncertain yet beautiful years of my life. Uncertain because I didn’t know what would happen to me after school. I knew very well my mum couldn’t afford to send me to college or university due to our financial difficulties. But I didn’t want to end up as a waitress my whole life. (I was waitressing earning pocket money ever since I was 15) I envied my rich school friends who were so sure what they wanted to do. Their life were made even if they did badly in school. Their parents would be able to send them to study overseas and they would earn a proper education.

But whatever would happen to me? I knew I could be somebody worthy in my life. All I needed was a chance to prove myself. All I needed was a scholarship.

My chance did come. I won a scholarship to pursue my studies in Advertising at a local college called IACT. Back then I was waitressing at TGI Fridays and I got a call for an interview. I remembered having to take the day off and having a chat (very apologetically) with the store Manager. He looked at me sternly and said, “Well, I definitely don’t want to loose you, but I also definitely don’t want you to be a waitress your whole life. You better get that scholarship!”
And I did. I remembered getting the phone call and I screamed with joy! I finally got my chance. God was kind to me then.

I saw another stack of certs –this time it’s from my college. For 3 years I did my studies there, my results progressively improved. From a student with 2 A’s and 2 B’s, by the 2nd year I was cruising past with straight A’s. I told myself repeatedly that I must not throw my chances away. I have to do well. Interestingly, all my lectures had the same comment about me – ‘Very potential to do well in future’.

In present day, I don’t know if I would be considered a star employee as I was considered a star student back then. Sometimes I hate my job but today, I just remembered the long, hard and relentless journey I took to get here. There are times at work where you feel useless, de-motivated, dejected and lost. But then again, I cant be that bad since I’ve made it this far all by myself with nothing but grit, determination and fearlessness.

I will cherish my long walk back memory lane. It has reminded me who I am and WHAT I am made of – past to present!

True vision comes from the heart

I just saw an inspirational movie on Hallmark – a true story about a woman who went blind. She had to learn how to cope with her blindness and her life all over again. Though her life became very disheartening, her husband became her pillar of strength.

Not long, her husband contracted cancer and passed on. As if life was not hard enough for her to endure, her daughter met an accident and was critically injured. How tough can that be for her?

I see and feel her frustration. As if God made a bad joke on her, but He gave her back some happiness. She found a man who was in love with her since high school who then married her. She stumbled upon her talent in speaking – giving motivational speeches to students, old folks, blind folks, athletes, etc. She is now a renowned motivational speaker

She said, “True vision comes from the heart”. Someone I know once said that to me as well – my father. He himself was blind.
But through his blindness, he helped raised a family. Though he passed on when I was only 7, a lot about him influenced the way I think, feel and behave till this day.

Today, I feel lucky to be very much like the lady who got blind. Though I have my vision, I have learnt since young to see with my heart. To feel and to embrace beauty from within.

Along the way, life gets hard. Things don’t go your way and God throws challenges at you again and again. Just when you think things cannot get any worse, it does. I never understood why He made life so difficult for me, but slowly I’d realized why. He loves me very much – he wanted to teach me how to see light amidst all the darkness and evil. How to stay pure, hopeful and loving when everything around you seems to go against you.

All the hardship can’t be that bad. I have seen and lived to believe that things will get better. And it always does….

Bangkok Again!

Once in a while, you get a really nice break - importantly with really good friends.

Nicky and I have been planning for this trip since December. It took us alot of coaxing to finally get Nura to agree to join us!
Evidently, it was a great choice! It wasnt a breakthrough holiday - but one that 1 would remember. Some pictures!