Most of the time, when we have reflections of our past, we tend to lean towards the negative experiences we’ve gone through. Maybe its due to our programmed mind or our current status where things may not look as good as you’ve always imagined when you were much younger.
I was looking through some of the boxes I’ve stored away in the storeroom. I stumbled upon a stack of my certificates from school and college. Woo..what a ride it was down that memory lane!
I looked through my school’s certs – there is a huge stack of it, all my achievements in school as a prefect, Art Editor for my school magazine, English Literature club Secretary, House Captain & Treasurer, Squash Club captain, Netball representative, etc. Then there were my exam results – straight As for my PMR, 10 aggregate for my SPM.
It all seemed so long ago as I keep reminding myself that it has been exactly 10 years since I’ve left school this year.
My school years were the most uncertain yet beautiful years of my life. Uncertain because I didn’t know what would happen to me after school. I knew very well my mum couldn’t afford to send me to college or university due to our financial difficulties. But I didn’t want to end up as a waitress my whole life. (I was waitressing earning pocket money ever since I was 15) I envied my rich school friends who were so sure what they wanted to do. Their life were made even if they did badly in school. Their parents would be able to send them to study overseas and they would earn a proper education.
But whatever would happen to me? I knew I could be somebody worthy in my life. All I needed was a chance to prove myself. All I needed was a scholarship.
My chance did come. I won a scholarship to pursue my studies in Advertising at a local college called IACT. Back then I was waitressing at TGI Fridays and I got a call for an interview. I remembered having to take the day off and having a chat (very apologetically) with the store Manager. He looked at me sternly and said, “Well, I definitely don’t want to loose you, but I also definitely don’t want you to be a waitress your whole life. You better get that scholarship!”
And I did. I remembered getting the phone call and I screamed with joy! I finally got my chance. God was kind to me then.
I saw another stack of certs –this time it’s from my college. For 3 years I did my studies there, my results progressively improved. From a student with 2 A’s and 2 B’s, by the 2nd year I was cruising past with straight A’s. I told myself repeatedly that I must not throw my chances away. I have to do well. Interestingly, all my lectures had the same comment about me – ‘Very potential to do well in future’.
In present day, I don’t know if I would be considered a star employee as I was considered a star student back then. Sometimes I hate my job but today, I just remembered the long, hard and relentless journey I took to get here. There are times at work where you feel useless, de-motivated, dejected and lost. But then again, I cant be that bad since I’ve made it this far all by myself with nothing but grit, determination and fearlessness.
I will cherish my long walk back memory lane. It has reminded me who I am and WHAT I am made of – past to present!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
True vision comes from the heart
I just saw an inspirational movie on Hallmark – a true story about a woman who went blind. She had to learn how to cope with her blindness and her life all over again. Though her life became very disheartening, her husband became her pillar of strength.
Not long, her husband contracted cancer and passed on. As if life was not hard enough for her to endure, her daughter met an accident and was critically injured. How tough can that be for her?
I see and feel her frustration. As if God made a bad joke on her, but He gave her back some happiness. She found a man who was in love with her since high school who then married her. She stumbled upon her talent in speaking – giving motivational speeches to students, old folks, blind folks, athletes, etc. She is now a renowned motivational speaker
She said, “True vision comes from the heart”. Someone I know once said that to me as well – my father. He himself was blind.
But through his blindness, he helped raised a family. Though he passed on when I was only 7, a lot about him influenced the way I think, feel and behave till this day.
Today, I feel lucky to be very much like the lady who got blind. Though I have my vision, I have learnt since young to see with my heart. To feel and to embrace beauty from within.
Along the way, life gets hard. Things don’t go your way and God throws challenges at you again and again. Just when you think things cannot get any worse, it does. I never understood why He made life so difficult for me, but slowly I’d realized why. He loves me very much – he wanted to teach me how to see light amidst all the darkness and evil. How to stay pure, hopeful and loving when everything around you seems to go against you.
All the hardship can’t be that bad. I have seen and lived to believe that things will get better. And it always does….
Not long, her husband contracted cancer and passed on. As if life was not hard enough for her to endure, her daughter met an accident and was critically injured. How tough can that be for her?
I see and feel her frustration. As if God made a bad joke on her, but He gave her back some happiness. She found a man who was in love with her since high school who then married her. She stumbled upon her talent in speaking – giving motivational speeches to students, old folks, blind folks, athletes, etc. She is now a renowned motivational speaker
She said, “True vision comes from the heart”. Someone I know once said that to me as well – my father. He himself was blind.
But through his blindness, he helped raised a family. Though he passed on when I was only 7, a lot about him influenced the way I think, feel and behave till this day.
Today, I feel lucky to be very much like the lady who got blind. Though I have my vision, I have learnt since young to see with my heart. To feel and to embrace beauty from within.
Along the way, life gets hard. Things don’t go your way and God throws challenges at you again and again. Just when you think things cannot get any worse, it does. I never understood why He made life so difficult for me, but slowly I’d realized why. He loves me very much – he wanted to teach me how to see light amidst all the darkness and evil. How to stay pure, hopeful and loving when everything around you seems to go against you.
All the hardship can’t be that bad. I have seen and lived to believe that things will get better. And it always does….
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Bangkok Again!
Once in a while, you get a really nice break - importantly with really good friends.Nicky and I have been planning for this trip since December. It took us alot of coaxing to finally get Nura to agree to join us!
Evidently, it was a great choice! It wasnt a breakthrough holiday - but one that 1 would remember. Some pictures!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Thanks! But it's not enough!
A few hours after a massive earthquake hit Yogyakarta, the whole knew about it. Within a few seconds, thousands of local residents are left homeless, orphaned and living in dire straits.
While thousands of us live comfortably with shelters (electicity, running water, air con, flat screen tv, water distiller, DVD players, water heater...u get my point) the victims cant even seem to find decent clean water to drink.
Yet, within days the world turns to salvage and rescue Yogya. Aids pours in from neighbouring countries, the West (being the faithful donors) sends money - the list goes on.. People are giving, Yogya receiving.
I always believe Malaysians to be very giving people. We never turn a deaf ear towards such needs. Collectively as Malaysians - we collect aid and pour in to our neighbours. I guess we are a developing nation and is blessed with few natural disasters. On the other hand, I believe alot of us remembers what is it like to be in need - poor and developing. 20 years ago, we received aid too.
Sometimes I meet certain people (mostly foreigners from the West) whom complains that what they have is not enough. Someone's daughter got upset with the person because she refused to send her daughter to a trip which costs USD5000. Her daughter refused to talk to her for weeks. In the end, she gave way and paid for her daughter's trip. Another person I know (not indirectly) is still living off his parents while he is in Asia to "learn the ways of the East". He is close to 35 years old. The funny thing is - both of them were very upset with their parents for not giving them enough.
It was thoroughly hard for me to understand that. What I ever had is not enough, but when you're given so little, you are thankful that you are getting anything at all.
Sometimes we forget how to value 'enough'. As humans we get greedy and demanding and never stop asking & receiving.
Funnily, it takes disasters like Yogya/Tsunami to make us realise how to treasure "Thanks! I think I have enough now!"
While thousands of us live comfortably with shelters (electicity, running water, air con, flat screen tv, water distiller, DVD players, water heater...u get my point) the victims cant even seem to find decent clean water to drink.
Yet, within days the world turns to salvage and rescue Yogya. Aids pours in from neighbouring countries, the West (being the faithful donors) sends money - the list goes on.. People are giving, Yogya receiving.
I always believe Malaysians to be very giving people. We never turn a deaf ear towards such needs. Collectively as Malaysians - we collect aid and pour in to our neighbours. I guess we are a developing nation and is blessed with few natural disasters. On the other hand, I believe alot of us remembers what is it like to be in need - poor and developing. 20 years ago, we received aid too.
Sometimes I meet certain people (mostly foreigners from the West) whom complains that what they have is not enough. Someone's daughter got upset with the person because she refused to send her daughter to a trip which costs USD5000. Her daughter refused to talk to her for weeks. In the end, she gave way and paid for her daughter's trip. Another person I know (not indirectly) is still living off his parents while he is in Asia to "learn the ways of the East". He is close to 35 years old. The funny thing is - both of them were very upset with their parents for not giving them enough.
It was thoroughly hard for me to understand that. What I ever had is not enough, but when you're given so little, you are thankful that you are getting anything at all.
Sometimes we forget how to value 'enough'. As humans we get greedy and demanding and never stop asking & receiving.
Funnily, it takes disasters like Yogya/Tsunami to make us realise how to treasure "Thanks! I think I have enough now!"
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Bali Spirit
Dont know exactly the name of this figure, but its beautiful!just a random temple me & Peter found along the way while we biked up to Ubud frm Kuta
Tegalalang - off Ubud, famous of its multi layered paddy fields! Breathtaking! View taken from a Japanese restaurant just by the hill
Sunset by Legian!
Entrance to temple..
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Nice smile!
It's quite obvious now that i worship this man! Just wanted to share a nice picture of Peter taken in Goa - one of the hippy night market!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
All walks of people
In the short time given to us this lifetime, we meet all sorts of people. People that surprises you - in a good and bad way.
When we were all children, we could be friends with just about anyone. It was a matter to be proud of – to make acquaintances, to have friends you can brag about to your parents – a sign of social acceptance, maturity and acceptability.
In your world of bliss and endless playtime with your friends, you are rudely awakened from that wonderful feeling to find a nasty friend. She teases you; makes you feel sad, embarrassed or even gang up with others to not be your friend anymore! Wait a minute, you tell yourself. Friends are not supposed to do such things! Oh Boy they do! And they can be really good at it.
Slowly, your curtain starts to draw; you start to build walls around you. As the years go by, you meet more and more people that surprises you, disappointing how you’ve always romanticized the idea of a friend.
Not long, you only have a handful. People whom has stood the tests of time. People who has been with you through thick and thin. People you can trust whole-heartedly. They can then qualify to be your best friend, buddy, etc
You learn your first lesson in life from friends/people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. Avoid or confront the mean ones, stay close and cherish the good ones.
You then move on to the next phase of your life - you start to work. The quality of people gets almost immediately weirder! It’s like a zoo out there! These people amaze me daily.
From your past experiences, it tells you to stay away from the ‘evil’ ones. Somehow, they find their way to you. No matter how much you try to dodge them, they are everywhere. Constantly spreading their ‘evilness’, their bitterness to the world by commanding respect (not much given most of the time!), power (they best stay near the power generator if they’re so in love with it!) and supremacy. What is it with these people that they are so unhappy with their lives? Did they really have such a bad childhood? Maybe they got tortured really badly as kids? (I like to think that anyway!)
My husband to-be always tells me to stand up and fight against these people. I do make my stand but it disgust me to see the way they take on other people to make themselves feel good. They belittle others and make them feel insignificant to feel important in return.
How do you fight evil? Its not that we can settle this at the backyard and fight it in the mud! It’s not that I can complain to my mum or teacher to get the kid punished. We are dealing with adults here – who coincidently act like kids. Tough one, eh?
I don’t have the answer. I’ve developed too much Zen to fight them anymore. Still I don’t give up….
While scrutinizing ways I could administer courage to stand up to them, something interesting happened today. The ‘weak ones’ whom the ‘evil’ ones was torturing today taught me an interesting lesson.
They were being belittled in front of the whole world. They did put up a constructive argument, but of course evil will be evil. What can we do with such screwed up minds? Interestingly, they walked away gracefully and smiled at their silliness with beauty and charm. That moment seemed like a National Geographic moment, beautiful! It was classic – they smiled, said their thank you and left.
The amazing part of it all is – after that bad encounter, they didn’t even seem moved by it at all, and in fact they forgot about it the moment they left the room.
How shallow I have been to try to administer ways to counter them. I even secretly cursed and hoped that they will fall one day! But today, I learnt that the only way I will learn to have courage to stand up to them is to ignore them. Use my own power to suppress these evil people, make known to myself that they don’t actually exist and their existence is not worthy of my attention.
It’s not about being affected by them, as each time we are – they have won. We can win in our own ways if we just learn that we are all born different. The earlier we come to terms with ourselves, the happier we will become. And one way to start to be happy is to see through the evil in them…
It’s easier said than done. But I figured it takes more effort and energy from these evil people to do what they do to others daily than us to ignore them.
When we were all children, we could be friends with just about anyone. It was a matter to be proud of – to make acquaintances, to have friends you can brag about to your parents – a sign of social acceptance, maturity and acceptability.
In your world of bliss and endless playtime with your friends, you are rudely awakened from that wonderful feeling to find a nasty friend. She teases you; makes you feel sad, embarrassed or even gang up with others to not be your friend anymore! Wait a minute, you tell yourself. Friends are not supposed to do such things! Oh Boy they do! And they can be really good at it.
Slowly, your curtain starts to draw; you start to build walls around you. As the years go by, you meet more and more people that surprises you, disappointing how you’ve always romanticized the idea of a friend.
Not long, you only have a handful. People whom has stood the tests of time. People who has been with you through thick and thin. People you can trust whole-heartedly. They can then qualify to be your best friend, buddy, etc
You learn your first lesson in life from friends/people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. Avoid or confront the mean ones, stay close and cherish the good ones.
You then move on to the next phase of your life - you start to work. The quality of people gets almost immediately weirder! It’s like a zoo out there! These people amaze me daily.
From your past experiences, it tells you to stay away from the ‘evil’ ones. Somehow, they find their way to you. No matter how much you try to dodge them, they are everywhere. Constantly spreading their ‘evilness’, their bitterness to the world by commanding respect (not much given most of the time!), power (they best stay near the power generator if they’re so in love with it!) and supremacy. What is it with these people that they are so unhappy with their lives? Did they really have such a bad childhood? Maybe they got tortured really badly as kids? (I like to think that anyway!)
My husband to-be always tells me to stand up and fight against these people. I do make my stand but it disgust me to see the way they take on other people to make themselves feel good. They belittle others and make them feel insignificant to feel important in return.
How do you fight evil? Its not that we can settle this at the backyard and fight it in the mud! It’s not that I can complain to my mum or teacher to get the kid punished. We are dealing with adults here – who coincidently act like kids. Tough one, eh?
I don’t have the answer. I’ve developed too much Zen to fight them anymore. Still I don’t give up….
While scrutinizing ways I could administer courage to stand up to them, something interesting happened today. The ‘weak ones’ whom the ‘evil’ ones was torturing today taught me an interesting lesson.
They were being belittled in front of the whole world. They did put up a constructive argument, but of course evil will be evil. What can we do with such screwed up minds? Interestingly, they walked away gracefully and smiled at their silliness with beauty and charm. That moment seemed like a National Geographic moment, beautiful! It was classic – they smiled, said their thank you and left.
The amazing part of it all is – after that bad encounter, they didn’t even seem moved by it at all, and in fact they forgot about it the moment they left the room.
How shallow I have been to try to administer ways to counter them. I even secretly cursed and hoped that they will fall one day! But today, I learnt that the only way I will learn to have courage to stand up to them is to ignore them. Use my own power to suppress these evil people, make known to myself that they don’t actually exist and their existence is not worthy of my attention.
It’s not about being affected by them, as each time we are – they have won. We can win in our own ways if we just learn that we are all born different. The earlier we come to terms with ourselves, the happier we will become. And one way to start to be happy is to see through the evil in them…
It’s easier said than done. But I figured it takes more effort and energy from these evil people to do what they do to others daily than us to ignore them.
With Olivia Zhang, frm Leo Burnett Beijing. Cool girl, we call her the 'Model' since she has a hot body and beautiful face!
With Grace from Leo Burnett Hong Kong. Small, ambitious but highly capable girl! Very articulate and full of passion
With Ayako from Beacon Communications, Japan. The perfect personification of a true, pure Japanese girl!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The moment we touched down at Lantau Island, the excitement mounted. All my days of watching Hong Kong dramas are finally realized – now I get to experience all the places you hear and see on TV = Wan Chai, Mongkok, Causeway Bay, Kowloon, Lan Kwai Fong, etc. Hong Kong (so far) is an exciting place. Its less regimented than Singapore – there’s mess and chaos amidst their unbelievable planning and structure in buildings, roads, transportation; its far more realistic and competitive than Malaysia – people in the service industry greet you because you have to, not because they mean it; its also rather less trendy than the weird fashion sense you see on TV, those of which the HK singers and actors don on.
I somewhat feel at home but also not. I can fully understand Cantonese when they speak but cant as much articulate fully in Cantonese back to them without them detecting that I am not a local. Where I stay in Causeway Bay, you hear Bahasa being spoken very widely from all the Indonesian maids who works here. Interesting!
Every corner, there seem to be 1 million people buzzing around, talking, walking, and pushing. No one takes notice of other people but themselves. When we met with my colleague’s friend who has been working here, I was quite surprised the way he handled himself at a local restaurant. He was blunt, quite rude and very upfront – not a very Malaysian behavior. He rationalized that the Hong Kongnites (apparently, they hate to be referred to as Hong Kies) are quite pushy and aggressive people. The only way to get around them is to be like them. (Hence the saying, if you cant beat them, join them)
Slowly as my day passes by here, I start to see more and more of my fantasy being merged into a realistic, competitive, rude picture. It’s not picture perfect for sure but at least now its more real than Hong Kong dramas of glamour and fun.
How Deep is your Love?
Everyone tells me that long distance relationship is really difficult.
“How can you keep it up for so long?” (WHAT DO YOU THINK?)
“How do you communicate?” (PHONE, EMAILS, SMS, THANK GOD FOR TECHNOLOGY!)
“Don’t you miss him?” (DUH!)
Sometimes I get tired of answering that question. Most of all, I am surprised people are such skeptics towards long distance relationship.
My answer would always be the same. There are no secrets to making a long distance relationship work. The fundamental thing is: how much do you love your partner?
I don’t want to sound like a lost, love puppy. If you think about it, it is true. How much are you willing to sacrifice for the person you love? Would you wait for him/her for an undefined time? Do you have faith that 1-day you will be together?
Peter and I had this conversation while we were holidaying in Bali. The beauty of our relationship is, we never cease to fall in love with each other all over again each time we meet. It’s like meeting him for the 1st time, going out for our first date, experiencing things together all over again. While we talked about this, we also had some common friends who are going through some tough time in their relationships. They were close to getting a divorce; some already had one and moved on. We gathered that when our time comes, no matter how difficult it will get with us, we would learn to make things work. The point is, the harder it is for you to get something you want to so badly, the more you will cherish what you have.
I may be preaching the obvious, but practicing it is another ball game. Each day I look forward to endless sunsets on the beach with him, long talks about what we believe in, kissing for the 1st time all over again. Sure there is a big chance when the time finally comes for us we get sick of each other in 1 day, but for what its worth, its not happening now and it will happen to us!
“How can you keep it up for so long?” (WHAT DO YOU THINK?)
“How do you communicate?” (PHONE, EMAILS, SMS, THANK GOD FOR TECHNOLOGY!)
“Don’t you miss him?” (DUH!)
Sometimes I get tired of answering that question. Most of all, I am surprised people are such skeptics towards long distance relationship.
My answer would always be the same. There are no secrets to making a long distance relationship work. The fundamental thing is: how much do you love your partner?
I don’t want to sound like a lost, love puppy. If you think about it, it is true. How much are you willing to sacrifice for the person you love? Would you wait for him/her for an undefined time? Do you have faith that 1-day you will be together?
Peter and I had this conversation while we were holidaying in Bali. The beauty of our relationship is, we never cease to fall in love with each other all over again each time we meet. It’s like meeting him for the 1st time, going out for our first date, experiencing things together all over again. While we talked about this, we also had some common friends who are going through some tough time in their relationships. They were close to getting a divorce; some already had one and moved on. We gathered that when our time comes, no matter how difficult it will get with us, we would learn to make things work. The point is, the harder it is for you to get something you want to so badly, the more you will cherish what you have.
I may be preaching the obvious, but practicing it is another ball game. Each day I look forward to endless sunsets on the beach with him, long talks about what we believe in, kissing for the 1st time all over again. Sure there is a big chance when the time finally comes for us we get sick of each other in 1 day, but for what its worth, its not happening now and it will happen to us!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
1 week ago...
I have never been robbed in my life. My things got stolen before but never robbed. Exactly 1 week ago, (probably a few hours beyond this time) my house was broken into.
I woke feeling shocked, scared, worried, upset, angry - everything. Everyone calls to say really nice, comforting words. I had to get over it.
But i cant! Everyday at work, I am reminded how handicapped I am without my computer/laptop. My entire lifetime's work was in that machince. Yes, i did backup but apparently not enough!!
Why would people do such things? Are there not enough work out there? Why must people steal and rob from others? Do they not know the hard work other people put into earning decent, honest money? I cant seem to understand what these people think. How can one be so lazy, dishonest and unaware?? Dont they care about retributions?
I curse the robber(s) everyday. Not because they stole my things, because i didnt get to see their faces and personally kick their balls! Not wanting to sound vindictive - whether i can take them on or not, i really want to have the chance to give them a piece of my mind.
"Go get a job, your parents didnt raise you to be a thief!"
Argghhhh...Thankfully, i have posted the nice picture of me and my mum on this blog. As the damn thief took my digital camera as well, all my pictures are gone - India, Combodia, Denmark, Germany, vietnam, Thailand, weddings, holidays, etc....
this blog is not going to be sounding intellectual, etc. for once i dont have a point - just alot of frustration to vent out!
.....
I woke feeling shocked, scared, worried, upset, angry - everything. Everyone calls to say really nice, comforting words. I had to get over it.
But i cant! Everyday at work, I am reminded how handicapped I am without my computer/laptop. My entire lifetime's work was in that machince. Yes, i did backup but apparently not enough!!
Why would people do such things? Are there not enough work out there? Why must people steal and rob from others? Do they not know the hard work other people put into earning decent, honest money? I cant seem to understand what these people think. How can one be so lazy, dishonest and unaware?? Dont they care about retributions?
I curse the robber(s) everyday. Not because they stole my things, because i didnt get to see their faces and personally kick their balls! Not wanting to sound vindictive - whether i can take them on or not, i really want to have the chance to give them a piece of my mind.
"Go get a job, your parents didnt raise you to be a thief!"
Argghhhh...Thankfully, i have posted the nice picture of me and my mum on this blog. As the damn thief took my digital camera as well, all my pictures are gone - India, Combodia, Denmark, Germany, vietnam, Thailand, weddings, holidays, etc....
this blog is not going to be sounding intellectual, etc. for once i dont have a point - just alot of frustration to vent out!
.....
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Higher souls
Once a while, you meet certain people that totally blows your mind. I met one the first night i came to Bangkok. He is a friend of my client, practising to be a Buddhist Monk and has been living in Myanmar for the past few years. He is down in Thailand to meet his twin bother who resides in Thailand.
The experience was interesting. There are people you meet and you know you'll never see them again (because ur not bothered, etc), people you meet and the relationship grows and some people you meet once but enough to last a lifetime. There are only 2 people thus far who falls under that category:
1. Peter
2. This guy by the name of Martin.
Admist the chaos I'm going through my life right now, he rightly pointed out things about myself (after less than 1 hour talking to me) and spun me back into perspective about things. Spritual would be a very small word to describe him. He told me 2 things about myself:
a) I cant carry the world's problems on my shoulders, I have to stop worrying about everything
b) In relation to that, it's ok not to care sometimes
Those words may be uttered by anyone who knows me, but its the delivery of those words that got me really thinking. I know all that, but sometimes the burden i carry upon my own shoulders not only weighs me down but also blinds me. I must learn to let go. the debate/conversation lastest quite some time, but his mind is crystal clear and pure. So calm, so collected, so right
When I look at him, I wondered if the only way to achieve chastity is hiding one self in a monestery far, far away where luxury and materialism is unheard of? Is it then your mind, heart and actions will always be pure and untainted?
Or can it be a simple as being conscientious to achieve enlightment in every day life?
Maybe 1 day I would go up into the mountains and find myself again. But what's there to find if you cant live through yourself every other day where the challenges in life exist every moment of the day?
The experience was interesting. There are people you meet and you know you'll never see them again (because ur not bothered, etc), people you meet and the relationship grows and some people you meet once but enough to last a lifetime. There are only 2 people thus far who falls under that category:
1. Peter
2. This guy by the name of Martin.
Admist the chaos I'm going through my life right now, he rightly pointed out things about myself (after less than 1 hour talking to me) and spun me back into perspective about things. Spritual would be a very small word to describe him. He told me 2 things about myself:
a) I cant carry the world's problems on my shoulders, I have to stop worrying about everything
b) In relation to that, it's ok not to care sometimes
Those words may be uttered by anyone who knows me, but its the delivery of those words that got me really thinking. I know all that, but sometimes the burden i carry upon my own shoulders not only weighs me down but also blinds me. I must learn to let go. the debate/conversation lastest quite some time, but his mind is crystal clear and pure. So calm, so collected, so right
When I look at him, I wondered if the only way to achieve chastity is hiding one self in a monestery far, far away where luxury and materialism is unheard of? Is it then your mind, heart and actions will always be pure and untainted?
Or can it be a simple as being conscientious to achieve enlightment in every day life?
Maybe 1 day I would go up into the mountains and find myself again. But what's there to find if you cant live through yourself every other day where the challenges in life exist every moment of the day?
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Bangkok can shoot!
My friends thinks I draw with crayons and still cant fathom what I do. I’ve given up explaining to them as I have given up trying to understand what my Banker friend does as a Dealer or my other friend who is some sort of engineer in the oil and gas industry.
Been here in Bangkok since Thursday evening, having to shoot and post a commercial for our clients in Indonesia. So during meetings, its quite interesting to have a mix of cultures,backgrounds and nationalities - we have us the Malaysians, our clients the Indonesian, our other client the Dutch, our production house people the Thais. I have never produced a commercial out of Thailand before but I've heard enough commendable things about their quality of work and professionalism to get me really excited about producing this one!
To start off, I wrote a script for the client which was selected among 4 others. Its a simple board but the story in which it is told needs to be well done. We chose this Thai director who is a lady and a mother herself to direct the commercial since our future consumers are mothers. Contrarily to popular belief, producing a commercial out of Thailand is much cheaper than i thought. the value we got out of them so far - - im God damn impressed!
The shoot day was on Friday as well as Saturday. They had 2 X the crew we have in KL, but they have the most professional attitude Ive ever come across wiht any production houses ive worked with in my entire career. They dont waste time squabbling and yakking away mindless talks during shoot, they are always on their feet, takes less than 15 mins to set up the next shot. Amazing!
Then the director has the most polite way of arguing and disagering with us. She is firm yet very polite. She is also extremily detailed, she runs through with us each time she's finished with a shot and discusses with us thoroughly. Unlike the most Malaysian production houses which are quite happy to ignore your requests and do what they think best for the commercial.
Anyway, there are 3 points I'm trying to stress here:
a) Never underestimate the Thais
b) Malaysians needs to be kicked in the butt to be more progressive!
On point a) & b), we were producing 2 commercials back to back. Actually the 1st started off in November (with a Malaysian production house) and this one only started last month (with the Thai prd hse) The Malaysian one (which Im quite shy to admit) ran through countless problems and complications. Up till today, we still havent gotten it approved by the Vietnamese and Indonesian clients. As for this Thai-made commercial, Im quite sure it can be approved and go on air by next week.
With the Malaysians, Id almost puked blood having to deal with their inconsistency, unwillingness and change and lack of professionalism. Ive
never had 1 single crisis as yet with the Thais, even if it did arise, it was made a very small matter that was solved on the spot.
Anyhow, I may be speaking too soon. This commercial may take a bad turn the next 1 week, cant be too sure.
Though the language barrier, the Thais really tries to understand and do their best for you. Its sad that Peter gets so upset with them when he works here. I suppose Im quite lucky to meet the really good ones here and they really explifies the best one can ask for. Maybe all we need to do is to look beyond the life of Pat Pong, show girls, bad language, loud Thai music, bad traffic, puzzled looks to see what's really beyond them. Truly amazing people, no wonder they have the best advertising in the entire region!
Been here in Bangkok since Thursday evening, having to shoot and post a commercial for our clients in Indonesia. So during meetings, its quite interesting to have a mix of cultures,backgrounds and nationalities - we have us the Malaysians, our clients the Indonesian, our other client the Dutch, our production house people the Thais. I have never produced a commercial out of Thailand before but I've heard enough commendable things about their quality of work and professionalism to get me really excited about producing this one!
To start off, I wrote a script for the client which was selected among 4 others. Its a simple board but the story in which it is told needs to be well done. We chose this Thai director who is a lady and a mother herself to direct the commercial since our future consumers are mothers. Contrarily to popular belief, producing a commercial out of Thailand is much cheaper than i thought. the value we got out of them so far - - im God damn impressed!
The shoot day was on Friday as well as Saturday. They had 2 X the crew we have in KL, but they have the most professional attitude Ive ever come across wiht any production houses ive worked with in my entire career. They dont waste time squabbling and yakking away mindless talks during shoot, they are always on their feet, takes less than 15 mins to set up the next shot. Amazing!
Then the director has the most polite way of arguing and disagering with us. She is firm yet very polite. She is also extremily detailed, she runs through with us each time she's finished with a shot and discusses with us thoroughly. Unlike the most Malaysian production houses which are quite happy to ignore your requests and do what they think best for the commercial.
Anyway, there are 3 points I'm trying to stress here:
a) Never underestimate the Thais
b) Malaysians needs to be kicked in the butt to be more progressive!
On point a) & b), we were producing 2 commercials back to back. Actually the 1st started off in November (with a Malaysian production house) and this one only started last month (with the Thai prd hse) The Malaysian one (which Im quite shy to admit) ran through countless problems and complications. Up till today, we still havent gotten it approved by the Vietnamese and Indonesian clients. As for this Thai-made commercial, Im quite sure it can be approved and go on air by next week.
With the Malaysians, Id almost puked blood having to deal with their inconsistency, unwillingness and change and lack of professionalism. Ive
never had 1 single crisis as yet with the Thais, even if it did arise, it was made a very small matter that was solved on the spot.Anyhow, I may be speaking too soon. This commercial may take a bad turn the next 1 week, cant be too sure.
Though the language barrier, the Thais really tries to understand and do their best for you. Its sad that Peter gets so upset with them when he works here. I suppose Im quite lucky to meet the really good ones here and they really explifies the best one can ask for. Maybe all we need to do is to look beyond the life of Pat Pong, show girls, bad language, loud Thai music, bad traffic, puzzled looks to see what's really beyond them. Truly amazing people, no wonder they have the best advertising in the entire region!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Stretch it!!
This morning was my first professional yoga session attendance. My mum has been nugging me to attend this class for a long time.
Ive been practising yoga for the past 2 years. Im not great, but not bad either.
The class i went was interesting. ..
First of all, the yoga 'guru' was not what i expected. she has a great body but her tummy is amazingly big! that was a turn off! how can a yoga guru have such big tummy???? wooaa...
Then her assistant gurus were fat ! i mean literally fat! ok, i dont want to be such a push over = these women has skills, they are multi flexi despite their layers of fat, they are pretty damn flexible..
The age group was nothing below 50 years - i was the youngest. We also had men there, old CHINAMAN. The loud, type. Quite amazing to see them really interested and really giving their 100%. Get the picture? Weird.
then you have my mum - who has this amazing ability to burp constantly. she blames it on 'wind' so all the stretching helps her to release it. its just a little too damn distrac
ting to have my mum burping continiously for 1 hour.They were also super loud. they talked non-stop which defeats the purpose (i believe anyway!) to meditate your body. they were talking about the fresh prawns they had at Klang last night, some where talking about the lottery number they bought - so close to striking, it just went on and on and on!
Then you have me. All the moves were nothing really new to me, but just got pointers how to do them better. They assistant gurus were quite amazed with my "flexibility" but it never once dawned on them that maybe ive done this before??
nevermind, it was just a really interesting encounter. the mix of people all hopping onto the bandwagon of practising yoga. its the new fad, maybe even a lasting one?
i have friends who'd practiced yoga for 1 year has now opted to quit their jobs to open up a yoga center...hmmm..how can you learn a few thousand years' secret of balancing mind, body and soul in 1 year? let not go teach?
Not too sure about history, but yoga must have been well guarded for some reasons. Doubt anyone here knows the real secret and reasons behind practising yoga..
Hell, quite honestly - i do it to keep fit and look good. nothing of that sort to balance out, blah blah blah. surely i cant do that at the yoga center with all those interesting characters?
Saturday, March 25, 2006
What is ever enough?
There was a point in my childhood that we all had a bowl of rice with soy sauce – for lunch and maybe dinner. Back then; an occasional fish would be a luxury. Those were really hard times that may seem very hard for others to fathom
Those days when we had our treat of a skinny, bony fish – we would sit around and enjoy sucking out its meat to the very bones. For many moments beyond the flesh, we would still be sucking onto the bones - just to hold on to those last moments of tasting fish in our mouths for an uncertain time to come.
I remembered also when I was doing my very first interview. It was for a scholarship to pursue my higher education. I got that scholarship, I‘d remember feeling ecstatic when I heard the news much later. But before that, I walked out that room feeling low, cheap, poor and shocked!
One of the ladies in the interview asked me to verify how is it possible that a mother of 3 only earns RM600 a month (around USD160!)? Honestly, when she asked me that question, I didn’t know how to answer her. Not because it was a hard question, but it was a weird question. In my mind, I kept answering “Why not?????”
It didn’t dawn on me that there are people who can’t ever dream of living with that amount of money for themselves – let alone to feed 3 other kids.
At the end of my answer, I felt that she didn’t believe me – probably I made up this sad soppy story just to qualify to win the scholarship. Still, that encounter left me confused. That was then.
Now - if you ask me, can I live with just RM600 a month just for myself? HELL NO! My personal economic standards have improved so tremendously, now that I think back to those days - I am like that interviewer, how she questioned about the possibilities? Realistically, that was 10 years ago – all prices has gone up, we no longer lived on bare needs but little luxuries here and there, I have increased my material possession, etc.
Yet being the culprit, I constantly ask for more. I complain that I work too hard and should deserve to be paid more – my bills are increasing, what I earn now is simply not enough.
However, reflecting on the impossible circumstances that we managed to pull through as a family made me feel utterly embarrassed and ungrateful.
I overlooked the possibilities that we gained instead – gratitude, happiness, and moderation. In this day and age, moderation becomes insatiability, happiness becomes discontent and gratitude becomes unappreciative.
Time to reflect:
1. Nothing is ever enough
2. Live with contentment & gratitude
3. Ultimately find lasting happiness..
With that, I’ve decided not to shop for a month! =p
Those days when we had our treat of a skinny, bony fish – we would sit around and enjoy sucking out its meat to the very bones. For many moments beyond the flesh, we would still be sucking onto the bones - just to hold on to those last moments of tasting fish in our mouths for an uncertain time to come.
I remembered also when I was doing my very first interview. It was for a scholarship to pursue my higher education. I got that scholarship, I‘d remember feeling ecstatic when I heard the news much later. But before that, I walked out that room feeling low, cheap, poor and shocked!
One of the ladies in the interview asked me to verify how is it possible that a mother of 3 only earns RM600 a month (around USD160!)? Honestly, when she asked me that question, I didn’t know how to answer her. Not because it was a hard question, but it was a weird question. In my mind, I kept answering “Why not?????”
It didn’t dawn on me that there are people who can’t ever dream of living with that amount of money for themselves – let alone to feed 3 other kids.
At the end of my answer, I felt that she didn’t believe me – probably I made up this sad soppy story just to qualify to win the scholarship. Still, that encounter left me confused. That was then.
Now - if you ask me, can I live with just RM600 a month just for myself? HELL NO! My personal economic standards have improved so tremendously, now that I think back to those days - I am like that interviewer, how she questioned about the possibilities? Realistically, that was 10 years ago – all prices has gone up, we no longer lived on bare needs but little luxuries here and there, I have increased my material possession, etc.
Yet being the culprit, I constantly ask for more. I complain that I work too hard and should deserve to be paid more – my bills are increasing, what I earn now is simply not enough.
However, reflecting on the impossible circumstances that we managed to pull through as a family made me feel utterly embarrassed and ungrateful.
I overlooked the possibilities that we gained instead – gratitude, happiness, and moderation. In this day and age, moderation becomes insatiability, happiness becomes discontent and gratitude becomes unappreciative.
Time to reflect:
1. Nothing is ever enough
2. Live with contentment & gratitude
3. Ultimately find lasting happiness..
With that, I’ve decided not to shop for a month! =p
Are Asians really not good enough? (Sorry, I mean South East Asians)
Its sometimes interesting to hear Peter vent and complain about his fellow Asian counterparts – low incompetent they are, etc. Having to deal with local Asians in various countries – he feels the pressure of having to educate them and get them in synch with his thinking but at the same time ‘try’ to respect their culture and sensitiveness.
I, on the other hand, work with ‘competent’ foreigners who came from far and wide whose mission is to ‘educate’ and ‘moralize’ South East Asians to their standards. I for one, as an educated and well-exposed Asian feel the threat and need to uphold my pride that ‘we are not GOD DAMN stupid!’ (pardon my ‘French’!)
Yet Peter tells me that Malaysians are far more advanced than other SE Asians he has worked with. (With the exception to Singaporeans, he claims!)
On the contrarily, these foreigners I work with think that we are nowhere near the work competencies of their level. What to think and believe then??
When I think hard and wide, I came to this personal conclusion…
Probably no one is ever good enough for anyone but himself or herself? Or maybe we all have this innate need to always feel superior to other people? Then does that relate to the fact that we ultimately feel insecure about ourselves? What is there to prove but our own personal ego?
In retrospect, what if we all learn to have some self respect?
Meaning – the ability to see through all these personal conflicts, the ability to accept our own flaws, the ability to accept other people’s flaws and limitations?
This does not mean that I agree with these foreigner’s attitudes and behaviors towards my fellow discriminated Asians. But then again, I ask myself – does this matter?
We ultimately deal with insecure people having to spread their claws on victims of their own insecurity?
Maybe I should be a bigger ‘man/woman’ to walk away from their bullshit. At the end of the day, I am the one who is clear of what I am, my capabilities and my ‘Asian ness’.
We may be stupid in their eyes, but maybe wisdom is what we’ve got to see through the need to pin others down just to feel good about themselves…?
I, on the other hand, work with ‘competent’ foreigners who came from far and wide whose mission is to ‘educate’ and ‘moralize’ South East Asians to their standards. I for one, as an educated and well-exposed Asian feel the threat and need to uphold my pride that ‘we are not GOD DAMN stupid!’ (pardon my ‘French’!)
Yet Peter tells me that Malaysians are far more advanced than other SE Asians he has worked with. (With the exception to Singaporeans, he claims!)
On the contrarily, these foreigners I work with think that we are nowhere near the work competencies of their level. What to think and believe then??
When I think hard and wide, I came to this personal conclusion…
Probably no one is ever good enough for anyone but himself or herself? Or maybe we all have this innate need to always feel superior to other people? Then does that relate to the fact that we ultimately feel insecure about ourselves? What is there to prove but our own personal ego?
In retrospect, what if we all learn to have some self respect?
Meaning – the ability to see through all these personal conflicts, the ability to accept our own flaws, the ability to accept other people’s flaws and limitations?
This does not mean that I agree with these foreigner’s attitudes and behaviors towards my fellow discriminated Asians. But then again, I ask myself – does this matter?
We ultimately deal with insecure people having to spread their claws on victims of their own insecurity?
Maybe I should be a bigger ‘man/woman’ to walk away from their bullshit. At the end of the day, I am the one who is clear of what I am, my capabilities and my ‘Asian ness’.
We may be stupid in their eyes, but maybe wisdom is what we’ve got to see through the need to pin others down just to feel good about themselves…?
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Being worthy
Many years ago when I was a beach hopping, carefree girl, I had one objective and vision in my life – to be spiritually advanced and to pursue happiness. I did not denounce materialism but was careful not to be driven by it.Then, my career took small leaps here and there and slowly, I was sucked in more and more into the world driven by money. To be realistic, I had bills to pay, my family to take care of - I cant live without it.
But I lost my carefree life. I work late daily, maybe because of my inefficiency or maybe
because I wanted to do my best and be the best. The competitive spirit in me crept in again. I had to work hard. I was rewarded monetarily but somehow I feel its not enough.
I have friends in the industry that works equally hard and we get together often to bitch and complain about work. Each of us feel that we are not compensated enough given all the hard work we put in for our work. We all want more. But what is more?
During our recent get together, we all shared a common dream. We want our lives back; we want a job that is not as stressful as ours and maybe just be a receptionist, answering phone calls, having a good time. But the condition was, we needed each to win a nice, fat lottery. See, money again!
Back to the point – I had a very rough week at work recently. I got a new boss who has his ways and only his way, I feel. It is unfair to judge him in such a short period of time but I have this strong, innate feeling that it won’t work out. I feel crushed, low and stupid. I am trying to stay positive, but I didn’t realize how much this has affected me until I spoke to Peter. When I described to him how I was feeling, I started crying and felt really depressed. I am torn between having to continue to prove myself that I AM good at what I am doing vs depressing myself doing that….
Peter reminded me what I started out saying. We both have 1 vision, it’s not about wealth. We are going to set our lives to be enriched with better, more everlasting things. Is it all worth it?
‘Worth’ has always been in my mind for the past years based on money - I work hard you pay me well. But today, I am reminded again that it doesn’t have to be that way. I have forgotten all that is more important.
What am I going to do? Tell the new boss to take a hike. Go back to my earlier job function which wont give me a good worth/money progression but at least my happiness and life back!
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
Censored Voice
The article below was written by Marina Mahathir, daughter of Malaysia's ex Prime Minister, Tun Mahathir Mohammad. She is a regular contributor to the Star but the article below was not published as the daily was concerned that it is raising a sensitive issue. I cant seem to find anything sensitive about it but truth.
Marina Mahathir for The Star
In 1948, one of humankind's most despicable ideas, apartheid, was made into law in South Africa where racial discrimination was institutionalized. Race laws touched every aspect of social life, including a prohibition of marriage between non-whites and whites, and the sanctioning of "white-only" jobs. Although there were 19 million blacks and only 4.5 million whites in South Africa, the majority population were forced to be second-class citizens in their homeland, banished to reserves and needing passports to travel outside them, even within their own country. It was only in 1990 that apartheid began to crumble and South Africans of all colours were finally free to live as equals in every way.
With the end of that racist system, people may be forgiven for thinking that apartheid does not exist anymore. While few countries practice any formal systems of discrimination, nevertheless you can find many forms of discrimination everywhere. In many cases, it is women who are discriminated against. In our country, there is an insidious growing form of apartheid among Malaysian women, that between Muslim and non-Muslim women.
We are unique in that we actively legally discriminate against women who are arguably the majority in this country, Muslim women. Non-Muslim Malaysian women have benefited from more progressive laws over the years while the opposite has happened for Muslim women.
For instance, since the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976, polygamy among non-Muslims was banned. Previously men could have as many wives as they wanted under customary laws. Men's ability to unilaterally pronounce divorce on their wives was abolished and in its place, divorce happens by mutual consent or upon petition by either spouse in an equal process where the grounds are intolerable adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion of not less than two years, and living separately for not less than two years. Compare that to the lot of Muslim women abandoned but not divorced by their husbands.
Other progressive reforms in the civil family law in the late 1990s were amendments to the Guardianship Act and the Distribution Act. The Guardianship of Infants Act 1961 was amended to provide for equal guardianship for both father and mother, rather than the previous provision where only the father was the primary guardian of the children. In contrast, the Islamic Family Law still provides for the father as the sole primary guardian of his children although the mother is now allowed to sign certain forms for her children under an administrative directive.
The Distribution Act 1958 was also amended to provide for equal inheritance for widows and widowers, and also granted children the right to inherit from their mothers as well as from their fathers. Under the newly proposed amendments to the Islamic Family Law, the use of gender neutral language on the issue of matrimonial property is discriminatory on Muslim women when other provisions in the IFL are not gender-neutral. Muslim men may still contract polygamous marriages, may unilaterally divorce their wives for the most trivial of reasons (including by SMS, unique in the Muslim world) and are entitled to double shares of inheritance.
These differences between the lot of Muslim women and non-Muslim women beg the question: do we have two categories of citizenship in Malaysia, whereby most female citizens have less rights than others? As non-Muslim women catch up with women in the rest of the world, Muslim women here are only going backwards. We should also note that only in Malaysia are Muslim women regressing; in every other Muslim country in the world, women have been gaining rights, not losing them.
In this country, our leaders claim to stand for all citizens. Our Prime Minister is the Prime Minister of all Malaysians, our Ministers work for all Malaysians in their respective fields. There are two exceptions to this. The Minister for Islamic Affairs is obviously only for Muslims; even though some of the things he does affect others. While the Minister for Women purports to work for all Malaysian women, even though not all Malaysian women benefit from that work. Perhaps we should consolidate the apartheid of women in this country by having a Ministry for Non-Muslim Women which works to ensure that Non-Muslim women enjoy the benefits of the Convention for the Elimination of Discrimination against Women, a UN document which Malaysia signed and is legally bound to implement, and a Ministry for Muslim Women which works to gag and bind Muslim women more and more each day for the sake of political expediency under the guise of religion.
Today is International Women's Day. Unfortunately only about 40% of the women in this country can celebrate. The rest can only look at their Non-Muslim sisters in despair and envy.
Marina Mahathir for The Star
In 1948, one of humankind's most despicable ideas, apartheid, was made into law in South Africa where racial discrimination was institutionalized. Race laws touched every aspect of social life, including a prohibition of marriage between non-whites and whites, and the sanctioning of "white-only" jobs. Although there were 19 million blacks and only 4.5 million whites in South Africa, the majority population were forced to be second-class citizens in their homeland, banished to reserves and needing passports to travel outside them, even within their own country. It was only in 1990 that apartheid began to crumble and South Africans of all colours were finally free to live as equals in every way.
With the end of that racist system, people may be forgiven for thinking that apartheid does not exist anymore. While few countries practice any formal systems of discrimination, nevertheless you can find many forms of discrimination everywhere. In many cases, it is women who are discriminated against. In our country, there is an insidious growing form of apartheid among Malaysian women, that between Muslim and non-Muslim women.
We are unique in that we actively legally discriminate against women who are arguably the majority in this country, Muslim women. Non-Muslim Malaysian women have benefited from more progressive laws over the years while the opposite has happened for Muslim women.
For instance, since the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976, polygamy among non-Muslims was banned. Previously men could have as many wives as they wanted under customary laws. Men's ability to unilaterally pronounce divorce on their wives was abolished and in its place, divorce happens by mutual consent or upon petition by either spouse in an equal process where the grounds are intolerable adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion of not less than two years, and living separately for not less than two years. Compare that to the lot of Muslim women abandoned but not divorced by their husbands.
Other progressive reforms in the civil family law in the late 1990s were amendments to the Guardianship Act and the Distribution Act. The Guardianship of Infants Act 1961 was amended to provide for equal guardianship for both father and mother, rather than the previous provision where only the father was the primary guardian of the children. In contrast, the Islamic Family Law still provides for the father as the sole primary guardian of his children although the mother is now allowed to sign certain forms for her children under an administrative directive.
The Distribution Act 1958 was also amended to provide for equal inheritance for widows and widowers, and also granted children the right to inherit from their mothers as well as from their fathers. Under the newly proposed amendments to the Islamic Family Law, the use of gender neutral language on the issue of matrimonial property is discriminatory on Muslim women when other provisions in the IFL are not gender-neutral. Muslim men may still contract polygamous marriages, may unilaterally divorce their wives for the most trivial of reasons (including by SMS, unique in the Muslim world) and are entitled to double shares of inheritance.
These differences between the lot of Muslim women and non-Muslim women beg the question: do we have two categories of citizenship in Malaysia, whereby most female citizens have less rights than others? As non-Muslim women catch up with women in the rest of the world, Muslim women here are only going backwards. We should also note that only in Malaysia are Muslim women regressing; in every other Muslim country in the world, women have been gaining rights, not losing them.
In this country, our leaders claim to stand for all citizens. Our Prime Minister is the Prime Minister of all Malaysians, our Ministers work for all Malaysians in their respective fields. There are two exceptions to this. The Minister for Islamic Affairs is obviously only for Muslims; even though some of the things he does affect others. While the Minister for Women purports to work for all Malaysian women, even though not all Malaysian women benefit from that work. Perhaps we should consolidate the apartheid of women in this country by having a Ministry for Non-Muslim Women which works to ensure that Non-Muslim women enjoy the benefits of the Convention for the Elimination of Discrimination against Women, a UN document which Malaysia signed and is legally bound to implement, and a Ministry for Muslim Women which works to gag and bind Muslim women more and more each day for the sake of political expediency under the guise of religion.
Today is International Women's Day. Unfortunately only about 40% of the women in this country can celebrate. The rest can only look at their Non-Muslim sisters in despair and envy.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
A great teacher...
In Form 4, I had an Additional Mathematics teacher, remembered fondly as Miss Ho. She was a small chili padi, (a type of chilli, small in size but super spicy) small but nice and powerful. I was in 5 Science 1, which was coincidentally the smartest class in school (i dont even know how i got there!)
There were 45 students in the class and i would be the No.43 - well given all the nerds and brains being in that class, i obviously didnt do well in Add Maths - far behind the smart girls.
I didnt really care much about the classes, copied my homework. She knew all this and tried to talk to me but i told her that there is no point as i wont use Add maths in my life after this. why try?
I failed throughout form 4, one day i went up to her to ask her to do my forecast as i wanted to apply for a scholarship. I begged her to give me a good result as i promised to work hard. All she said was, "No, Maureen. You dont deserve even a good forecast because you never tried."
With that, she gave me a C5 as a forecast. That was good considering I failed throughout. But something else she said that made me change the way I looked at Add Maths..."And Maureen, what's the point of me giving you an A, you will never achieve that in the real exam (SPM)"
From that day, I worked my arse off for Add Maths. Everyday when i came back from home, I would spend 3 hours practising my Add Maths. What i didnt know, i asked my smart classmates. I refused to ask Miss Ho. I had too much pride. Slowly, my grades improved and for SPM, i got an A2.
When I came back to school to collect my SPM results, I went up to Miss Ho to thank her for all she has done for me. Importantly, she taught me my first lesson in life. You're not a failure unless you try. And if you dont try, you're the failure.
Hence, i live by a motto "The greatest achievement in life is to rise up from failure"
This motto has never failed me since.
Miss Ho is what i call a good teacher. She taught me more than Add Maths but how to take on life!
There were 45 students in the class and i would be the No.43 - well given all the nerds and brains being in that class, i obviously didnt do well in Add Maths - far behind the smart girls.
I didnt really care much about the classes, copied my homework. She knew all this and tried to talk to me but i told her that there is no point as i wont use Add maths in my life after this. why try?
I failed throughout form 4, one day i went up to her to ask her to do my forecast as i wanted to apply for a scholarship. I begged her to give me a good result as i promised to work hard. All she said was, "No, Maureen. You dont deserve even a good forecast because you never tried."
With that, she gave me a C5 as a forecast. That was good considering I failed throughout. But something else she said that made me change the way I looked at Add Maths..."And Maureen, what's the point of me giving you an A, you will never achieve that in the real exam (SPM)"
From that day, I worked my arse off for Add Maths. Everyday when i came back from home, I would spend 3 hours practising my Add Maths. What i didnt know, i asked my smart classmates. I refused to ask Miss Ho. I had too much pride. Slowly, my grades improved and for SPM, i got an A2.
When I came back to school to collect my SPM results, I went up to Miss Ho to thank her for all she has done for me. Importantly, she taught me my first lesson in life. You're not a failure unless you try. And if you dont try, you're the failure.
Hence, i live by a motto "The greatest achievement in life is to rise up from failure"
This motto has never failed me since.
Miss Ho is what i call a good teacher. She taught me more than Add Maths but how to take on life!
Monday, March 06, 2006
Ignorance to AWARENESS
Peter wrote an impactful article that stuck the chords of my conscious recently. It hasnt been published and I feel he lacks the confidence to try further since 1 of the publication he sent to didnt respond to him. Provoking, maybe controversial yet TRUE, its definitely worth examining
I named my blog: "All souls' rising" as I believe we oversee what's the purest form given to us by God- our soul. How can we nurture and perfect it? As a start, read this!
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Gung Ho -in the streets of Saigon
Walking the wonderful streets of Saigon, she offers you all in abundance, from the many big smiles that greet you with warmth of life and joy to the thick haze of exhausting pipes.
A stroll down Dong Khoi or Le Loi shows a new ‘Gung Ho’ spirit rising, with a lot of bright hopes for a better future – a good encouragement for all to move forward.
Wherever you look; new cafes, restaurant & trendy shops display this great optimism and make it another joyful day.
In the flow of new Foreign Direct Investment manoeuvring its way into Saigon in these times, opportunities are born, feeding the hungry Gung Ho spirit. It is said: ‘When the cup is full, it spills over on us all’ by this and with help of good governance, it should fund the construction of a larger coherent society. Though the coins that create this new hope somehow has a flip side, or like every ray of sunshine cast a shadow on the street.
On one corner an elderly woman tries to rest in the shadow of the tall office buildings, tired of a long day in the haze, asking for a handout penny. The shadow gives her some shelter from the burning sun, but the spirit of the streets raze on.
The flip side is not all the investment made into the enterprises or influence of other business cultures or all the coffee consumed in the new cafes, no!
The flip side of the Gung Ho overdrive in the streets of Saigon, is the lack of awareness that accompanies the awaken spirit.
The sense of awareness in the fast phase is easy to ignore and can even turn into a degree of the inexplicable counterpart: Ignorance. One can argue that this is not up to us to actually stop up and smell the haze, but an administration matter for authorities and leave it here. This is also a solid argument, though this arguments shadow, has a stint of the ignorant flip side and leave us in the mercy of others goodwill.
When the old lady raise her head and in a sudden eye catch she view a new prospect coming out of the café on the opposite side of the road. She jumps up and with arms waving signalising her crossing the road. Slowly making the way to the other side, with one eye on the prospect and the other on the traffic, then suddenly – bum! – a fast moving bike hits her old leg. She tumbles to her knees, a short gasp and pain, then back on the feet and humping to safe ground on the other side.
The bike is long gone, collapsing on the pavement she glimpse the prospect she came for evaporating in the crowd further ahead.
Flat on her back in the hot sun, she breathes heavily and hold up the legs tight as the adrenalin wares off and the pain sets in.
The crowd still passing by to pursue the task that brought them here in the first place, though none seems to pay any further notice.
The scene is a good vision in the ignorance of our surroundings; as all is aware of the situation though cast the priority to the task at hand for the moment and in the comfort of the argument of where to place responsibility. When the helping –handout fails, then we as compassionate members of a society has failed.
My friend says; “I can’t save the world!” – Well, it might also to great a task but we surely do contribute when working with our own awareness, I tell my friend.
But how does the world look from the pavement, squeezing down in pain? I don’t know as I have never tried, but my imagination tells me that the world looks hard and uncompassionate.
Wherever we come from and whatever background we have, the world has a different perspective. This makes the world a funny and colourful place, full of tastes and indeed rich in opinions. Awareness of your surroundings has no colour or opinion, all can relate to human spirit and taste the taste every day life, Gung Ho or not.
When the awareness of our surroundings is developed, the action that is needed follows quite automatically; actually it is a funny law of nature that combines the inevitable thought to action. In the scene pictured, awareness would stop and hand out a supporting arm to help the old lady back on her feet where ignorance moves on. The trained would even throw in some kind attention to the situation.
How do you think the world looks from the sight of the old lady now, better?
Being Gung Ho is an exuberating life enhancer, however it requires you stand up and smell the haze in the streets of Saigon. From time to time, life throws you in similar situations to evoke your awareness or as I read once – Life kicks you so hard in the behind that you have to stop and smell the roses. – All for a purpose
Sadly, Ignorance comes to you too easy but our awareness on the other hand is an inherent skill but it doesn’t come easily, you have to train it to develop and be useful. As getting a good offer from the gym, right here you’ll get the first lesson free as a teaser, later when you come back then you have to subscribe and pay up.
First exercise in the gym: Now mental picture you as the Old Lady.
Subscription fee is paid in some monthly kind attention towards your surroundings, that’s all!
Should we all attend class from time to time; I guess the Gung Ho spirit would make a difference, welcome back.
I named my blog: "All souls' rising" as I believe we oversee what's the purest form given to us by God- our soul. How can we nurture and perfect it? As a start, read this!
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Gung Ho -in the streets of Saigon
Walking the wonderful streets of Saigon, she offers you all in abundance, from the many big smiles that greet you with warmth of life and joy to the thick haze of exhausting pipes.
A stroll down Dong Khoi or Le Loi shows a new ‘Gung Ho’ spirit rising, with a lot of bright hopes for a better future – a good encouragement for all to move forward.
Wherever you look; new cafes, restaurant & trendy shops display this great optimism and make it another joyful day.
In the flow of new Foreign Direct Investment manoeuvring its way into Saigon in these times, opportunities are born, feeding the hungry Gung Ho spirit. It is said: ‘When the cup is full, it spills over on us all’ by this and with help of good governance, it should fund the construction of a larger coherent society. Though the coins that create this new hope somehow has a flip side, or like every ray of sunshine cast a shadow on the street.
On one corner an elderly woman tries to rest in the shadow of the tall office buildings, tired of a long day in the haze, asking for a handout penny. The shadow gives her some shelter from the burning sun, but the spirit of the streets raze on.
The flip side is not all the investment made into the enterprises or influence of other business cultures or all the coffee consumed in the new cafes, no!
The flip side of the Gung Ho overdrive in the streets of Saigon, is the lack of awareness that accompanies the awaken spirit.
The sense of awareness in the fast phase is easy to ignore and can even turn into a degree of the inexplicable counterpart: Ignorance. One can argue that this is not up to us to actually stop up and smell the haze, but an administration matter for authorities and leave it here. This is also a solid argument, though this arguments shadow, has a stint of the ignorant flip side and leave us in the mercy of others goodwill.
When the old lady raise her head and in a sudden eye catch she view a new prospect coming out of the café on the opposite side of the road. She jumps up and with arms waving signalising her crossing the road. Slowly making the way to the other side, with one eye on the prospect and the other on the traffic, then suddenly – bum! – a fast moving bike hits her old leg. She tumbles to her knees, a short gasp and pain, then back on the feet and humping to safe ground on the other side.
The bike is long gone, collapsing on the pavement she glimpse the prospect she came for evaporating in the crowd further ahead.
Flat on her back in the hot sun, she breathes heavily and hold up the legs tight as the adrenalin wares off and the pain sets in.
The crowd still passing by to pursue the task that brought them here in the first place, though none seems to pay any further notice.
The scene is a good vision in the ignorance of our surroundings; as all is aware of the situation though cast the priority to the task at hand for the moment and in the comfort of the argument of where to place responsibility. When the helping –handout fails, then we as compassionate members of a society has failed.My friend says; “I can’t save the world!” – Well, it might also to great a task but we surely do contribute when working with our own awareness, I tell my friend.
But how does the world look from the pavement, squeezing down in pain? I don’t know as I have never tried, but my imagination tells me that the world looks hard and uncompassionate.
Wherever we come from and whatever background we have, the world has a different perspective. This makes the world a funny and colourful place, full of tastes and indeed rich in opinions. Awareness of your surroundings has no colour or opinion, all can relate to human spirit and taste the taste every day life, Gung Ho or not.
When the awareness of our surroundings is developed, the action that is needed follows quite automatically; actually it is a funny law of nature that combines the inevitable thought to action. In the scene pictured, awareness would stop and hand out a supporting arm to help the old lady back on her feet where ignorance moves on. The trained would even throw in some kind attention to the situation.
How do you think the world looks from the sight of the old lady now, better?
Being Gung Ho is an exuberating life enhancer, however it requires you stand up and smell the haze in the streets of Saigon. From time to time, life throws you in similar situations to evoke your awareness or as I read once – Life kicks you so hard in the behind that you have to stop and smell the roses. – All for a purpose
Sadly, Ignorance comes to you too easy but our awareness on the other hand is an inherent skill but it doesn’t come easily, you have to train it to develop and be useful. As getting a good offer from the gym, right here you’ll get the first lesson free as a teaser, later when you come back then you have to subscribe and pay up.
First exercise in the gym: Now mental picture you as the Old Lady.
Subscription fee is paid in some monthly kind attention towards your surroundings, that’s all!
Should we all attend class from time to time; I guess the Gung Ho spirit would make a difference, welcome back.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Travelogue
Many years ago, I used to keep a travelogue as travelling is my biggest passion. but then i got lazy... or probably came to a point where i have nothing much to say anymore. i kept all those thoughts in my mind and heart - still works!
my first soul searching travel was to Langkawi. I was fresh out of college, havent really decided what to do with my life - but was certain that i needed to do something about my life - spiritually.
i was always a gregarious person, but my days in Langkawi thought me how to be alone, how to enjoy it, how to start listening to my own thoughts, how to connect to my inner self. i met alot of interesting characters - the beach hippies, a Japanese businesswoman who was sick of her life in Japan and found solace in Langkawi, a very determined Sarawakian man who wanted to make his million soon in Langkawi, a Ipoh girl who made Langkawi her hometown for almost 15 years and of course a Danish man.
He is the 1st person in my life that i felt 'funnily' attracted to. It was a restricted relationship as he was going out with someone else then. The connection was amazing though! We had everything in common - he is a vegetarian, he was on the spiritual path and he is the perfect man for me. I remembered this funny incident that confirmed my feelings towards him. My boss then was visiting Langkawi and met him. Somehow he had everything bad to say about him. I felt my blood rushing to my head and back again - I was so angry and lashed out back at him! For a minute then, i was surprised at my reaction, then i knew, this man has a really special, forbidden place in my heart..
Langkawi went by almost 5 years ago. Thankfully, all my other travels were with this man - Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, India, Denmark, Germany, Vietnam, etc. My heart and feelings now serves as my travelogue as each moment with this Dane; Peter is something I would like to cherish for the rest of my life..
my first soul searching travel was to Langkawi. I was fresh out of college, havent really decided what to do with my life - but was certain that i needed to do something about my life - spiritually.
i was always a gregarious person, but my days in Langkawi thought me how to be alone, how to enjoy it, how to start listening to my own thoughts, how to connect to my inner self. i met alot of interesting characters - the beach hippies, a Japanese businesswoman who was sick of her life in Japan and found solace in Langkawi, a very determined Sarawakian man who wanted to make his million soon in Langkawi, a Ipoh girl who made Langkawi her hometown for almost 15 years and of course a Danish man.
He is the 1st person in my life that i felt 'funnily' attracted to. It was a restricted relationship as he was going out with someone else then. The connection was amazing though! We had everything in common - he is a vegetarian, he was on the spiritual path and he is the perfect man for me. I remembered this funny incident that confirmed my feelings towards him. My boss then was visiting Langkawi and met him. Somehow he had everything bad to say about him. I felt my blood rushing to my head and back again - I was so angry and lashed out back at him! For a minute then, i was surprised at my reaction, then i knew, this man has a really special, forbidden place in my heart..
Langkawi went by almost 5 years ago. Thankfully, all my other travels were with this man - Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, India, Denmark, Germany, Vietnam, etc. My heart and feelings now serves as my travelogue as each moment with this Dane; Peter is something I would like to cherish for the rest of my life..
Saturday, March 04, 2006
All grown up now..
I've decided to stick to being 25 years for the next 10 years to come. but then again, who are we kidding?
when i was young, i had a difficult childhood. My mum had to work very hard to keep us all going - everyday. Id always wanted to grow up quickly so i can finally earn my own money and help out.
now, the day is here. I am all grown up and I am helping out. But have i wasted my childhood trying to grow up too fast? I think not! As hard as it was, Id always made it a point to have fun, to experience childhood, adolescence and now adulthood.
When you're much younger, your friends are the center of your world, most of the time your family comes in second. As you grow older, the reverse comes into place. I have a bunch of lovely friends - girlfriends that i have grown up with. Back in those days, we didnt have much worries, boyfriend problems, money issues - it was just plain days coloured with little events that we hold dear to our hearts until this day.
Yee Yin is one of them. Demure, beautiful with a heart of gold. Beauty with brains. She is now an auditor @ KPMG, still hot, still beautiful outside in, inside out. Then you have Yen Ling. Ever determined and outspoken as ever, I remembered she told me that she would be a doctor when we were 9 years old. Now she is one, working in Greenwich, New York. Then the later stages of my teens, I met Pui Wei. She was the entertainer, the disturbed and idealist. The one who wanted to kill herself the next day Kurt Cobain commited suicide. Now, she is an up-coming lawyer in one of the prominent law firms in Malaysia. Finally, you have Zack. She was the more demure one, meek to some point. She has a musical flair and a voice that can put Mariah Carey to shame. She's not meek anymore - now fiesty and outspoken. Still beautiful and definitely more confident. She is working with Petronas..
As for me, I would like to believe I am still the same, but we all know we change as we age. We met up again recently for Yen's brother's wedding. The fun was more subdued, yet the fun was still fun.
We've all grown up now...but some things about friendships never can and will change..
Are we all that different?
A few years ago, Peter and I were really lucky enough to meet an amazing person. He in my eyes is a true saint of modern times. Despite the difficulties, he has forged through to set up a home for the unwanted in our socities. People infected with HIV AIDS. i have visited the home a few times (though not enough!) and has had helped this man a couple of times when help was needed.
Each time he asks for help, he does it in such an apologetic manner, as if he's the inferior one, begging for help. Each time he does that, it really scraps a part of my heart - knowing how worldly, pure, compassionate a man like him is and how i, myself is so small in comparison.
The best part about this man is - he never ceases to smile or crack a joke. despite all the pain he sees and feels daily, he is always happy, cheeful and full of joy.
in the midst of our "b
usy, busy" lives, we forget what is most important and sometimes real. This man is a constant reminder that life is much more than the silly work we do, its about having fun and enjoying it while doing it. (no matter what you do!)as for the many lives he has touched, he constantly needs help to do more. and since he is so selfless doing it, y cant we help?
www.pelangi.com - go there and find out more!
Opinions
Yesterday morning, I followed my mum to the market for a quick round of breakfast before hitting off to work. There they were – 2 vegetable sellers, 1 fish monger, 1 ‘chicken-man’, 1 auntie selling kuih and of course my mum. Each of them taking turns raising at the top of their voices, their dissatisfaction towards the government’s fuel increase.
Later the conversation led to their overall dissatisfaction towards the government – period.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it just strikes me funny to see this scene in the market; each usually busy to hail customers to their stores but now gathered in unity to voice their dissatisfaction towards the government.
They are no economists, bankers but again it doesn’t take a genius to see or even feel the pinch. They all asked in unity “What is happening to the economy???”
That is a valid question since we as Malaysians are protected against learning the truth about the REAL ECONONIC SITUATION we are facing. We have no freedom of the press (Kudos to Malaysia Kini!), everything is covered and hushed – what do we know??
What we know for sure is, there is something we can do about this. Malaysians need to learn a thing of two from our neighbors about standing up for what they believe in instead of sitting back accepting the situation because we all don’t have time, don’t believe it can work, etc. If we don’t start somewhere, we will go nowhere.
I have never voted in my life, and I never plan to. But with all this in competency in the governance of a nation, how can I not?
This week is about Fuel increase, what’s next? Can we all keep swallowing and complaining in the market each time it happens??
Later the conversation led to their overall dissatisfaction towards the government – period.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it just strikes me funny to see this scene in the market; each usually busy to hail customers to their stores but now gathered in unity to voice their dissatisfaction towards the government.
They are no economists, bankers but again it doesn’t take a genius to see or even feel the pinch. They all asked in unity “What is happening to the economy???”
That is a valid question since we as Malaysians are protected against learning the truth about the REAL ECONONIC SITUATION we are facing. We have no freedom of the press (Kudos to Malaysia Kini!), everything is covered and hushed – what do we know??
What we know for sure is, there is something we can do about this. Malaysians need to learn a thing of two from our neighbors about standing up for what they believe in instead of sitting back accepting the situation because we all don’t have time, don’t believe it can work, etc. If we don’t start somewhere, we will go nowhere.
I have never voted in my life, and I never plan to. But with all this in competency in the governance of a nation, how can I not?
This week is about Fuel increase, what’s next? Can we all keep swallowing and complaining in the market each time it happens??
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