The right to defend myself..

2 years ago, I had an interesting "encounter" with someone dear to me. I was betrayed, very badly. At that point of time my world crumbled, I'd never imagined that person would ever harm me so badly.
The single most important bond of trust was broken - forever. The one thing I still thought I had with my family would change forever. I was very well aware that that moment would change all our lives forever and it was inevitable, un-reversable.

Back ten, I was very angry. I was very hurt. I spent endless nights thinking what went wrong and how could 
something like this happen. Though the person blamed everything on me, I ensured I'd reflected on what
she said to examine if it was true. It all seemd so twisted but at the end of the day, my fault of not, I had to pick up and rebuild my world, my family's (or what's left of it) world.

Fresh after the incident, I went to Denmark with my husband. He urged me to meet his
clairvoyant - Marriane. He said she had an urgent message to pass to me and I desperately needed healing. Now, I was shit worried that I would get into some gibbery, table banging, madly possessed women situation - but it was the total opposite! It was such a normal
"sighted" experience, everything was calm and soothing, she spoke normally and didnt shake or flipped her eyes upwards like what you would see on TV. 
Bizzarely speaking, I enjoyed the session so much. Importantly, I received an 
amazing experience that reduced me to tears! (literally sob like a baby!)

She connected me to my dad. Yup, my dad passed away so he's dead. And no, he didn't appear
out of thin air but he spoke to me through Marriane. She told me "your dad is here and he wants
to talk to you"...The moment she said that, I felt so much warmth and love in the room, as if
I went back to my childhood - the feeling having my dad by my bedside while he told us bedtime stories...I cant describe it I swear!  
I was so overwhelmed with emotions I cried and cried. (Imagine finally not having a conversation with your dad after 18 years!) Honestly at that moment I was still
skeptical so I asked questions no one else in this world except me and my dad - he knew the answers! (Freaky feelings started draining out of me, overcomed by awe and pure happiness)
He told me he was sorry. He was sorry for leaving us so early, he was sorry he couldn't give me the life he promised and importantly, he was sorry for what my sister has done to me...
The last apology meant so much to me I broke down even harder.

For the longest time I thought my dad had only 1 favourite daughter. She was the one  he confided in the most, he was the one that had the most, she was the one he saw as his real daughther. And to hear him say that he was truly angry at what she has done to me -
it finally changed the ways I saw things...

As I said earlier, I had blamed myself for causing this to my family. I had blamed myself for
aggravating my sister to act the way she did. But that day, when my father finally said all those
things, for once in my life - I felt I truly belonged to my family. I was never invisible.

The point I am trying to make here is, I can never change what has happened. But I am proud of the fact that I tried to reflect if I had caused all this. Surely I did in some ways, but I am dealing with the consequences, I am willing to move on.

I hope she too can... one day

Again, I have learnt that nothing in life is permanent. God gives and God takes back. Just remember to face it - no matter how hard it is. There can never be equal scores in life and there is no point to keep count - be the bigger person and ultimately the happier person