Being worthy

Many years ago when I was a beach hopping, carefree girl, I had one objective and vision in my life – to be spiritually advanced and to pursue happiness. I did not denounce materialism but was careful not to be driven by it.

Then, my career took small leaps here and there and slowly, I was sucked in more and more into the world driven by money. To be realistic, I had bills to pay, my family to take care of - I cant live without it.

But I lost my carefree life. I work late daily, maybe because of my inefficiency or maybe
because I wanted to do my best and be the best. The competitive spirit in me crept in again. I had to work hard. I was rewarded monetarily but somehow I feel its not enough.

I have friends in the industry that works equally hard and we get together often to bitch and complain about work. Each of us feel that we are not compensated enough given all the hard work we put in for our work. We all want more. But what is more?
During our recent get together, we all shared a common dream. We want our lives back; we want a job that is not as stressful as ours and maybe just be a receptionist, answering phone calls, having a good time. But the condition was, we needed each to win a nice, fat lottery. See, money again!

Back to the point – I had a very rough week at work recently. I got a new boss who has his ways and only his way, I feel. It is unfair to judge him in such a short period of time but I have this strong, innate feeling that it won’t work out. I feel crushed, low and stupid. I am trying to stay positive, but I didn’t realize how much this has affected me until I spoke to Peter. When I described to him how I was feeling, I started crying and felt really depressed. I am torn between having to continue to prove myself that I AM good at what I am doing vs depressing myself doing that….

Peter reminded me what I started out saying. We both have 1 vision, it’s not about wealth. We are going to set our lives to be enriched with better, more everlasting things. Is it all worth it?

‘Worth’ has always been in my mind for the past years based on money - I work hard you pay me well. But today, I am reminded again that it doesn’t have to be that way. I have forgotten all that is more important.

What am I going to do? Tell the new boss to take a hike. Go back to my earlier job function which wont give me a good worth/money progression but at least my happiness and life back!